by Jill Crosby
As a rule, we are not socially conditioned to be honest. We have been taught to protect someone’s feelings by telling little lies. “It’s not you, it’s me”, “No, I’m not single, I’m flattered though”… I love the movie, “The Invention of Lying” where Ricky Gervais’s character, Mark, picks up Jennifer Garner’s character, Anna for dinner, and they say exactly what they’re thinking. She opens her front door and he introduces himself and asks how she is. She replies, “A little frustrated at the moment, also equally depressed and pessimistic about our date tonight…” It’s a great movie. I’m not suggesting you be outright rude, however, I do recommend being brutally honest without being brutal. Tact is important, just don’t sacrifice the honesty with yourself or your date. Stay in your heart and speak your truth. You’ll be surprised about how others appreciate you and find your honesty refreshing.
When you are truly present in the moment, you are open to meeting someone special because you are aware and paying attention. Enjoy each encounter, whether or not that person is a potential mate. When standing in line at the organic grocer, your local coffee shop or the pet store, pass up checking your emails or texting. Instead, be receptive and conscious of who is in your space. Focus on the moment you are experiencing NOW! Be bold and say hi to people, initiate conversations and smile! Asking someone a question or commenting on what they are buying is a great way to start a conversation. Meeting strangers can be fun, not only as potential relationship partners, but there may be also be other “gifts” for you (or them)…a new job, place to live, a great friendship, you never know if you don’t reach out. Be friendly to everyone, it makes life much more in-JOY-able.
Chemistry comes in all shapes and sizes. Realize that your “type” most likely was programmed by mass media, parental and societal conditioning. Throw Barbie and Ken out the window and break free of this illusion! FEEL someone’s soul, their heart, their true essence. Your life partner may not look like the “type” you’ve have been conditioned to see as attractive. They may be taller, shorter, thinner, or thicker, so let go of the attachment to how someone appears and look deeper. As you thoroughly savor and experience every person you encounter, you can appreciate their uniqueness and connect in a much more meaningful way.
Being real means dropping your guard and letting go of ego; being yourself without trying to impress or show off. When in a relationship, true selves and personalities are eventually realized, so it’s more efficient to be genuine from day one. Imagine that you are hanging out with your best friend who you are totally yourself with. Practice being that way with everyone you meet, including potential partners. When you are real, relaxed, present and honest others feel this and tend to be more comfortable and real too. Don’t worry if it’s a good match in the beginning, just get to know them and have some fun. It will be obvious soon enough. Follow your inner guidance and use discernment. By expressing your true, authentic self, you send out that same energy to the quantum field and magnetize a partner that is also being real!
When on a date, practice active listening. Instead of planning out what you are going to say next, or worrying about how you look, focus completely on the other person and really HEAR and FEEL what they are communicating. Hold the space for them to share without interrupting. Wait a second or two after you think they are finished and let it sink in before you respond. When talking, speak from your heart, and allow the conversation to flow naturally. Every moment doesn’t have to be filled with conversation -- silence and just being together is nice too. Remember to breathe and relax.
We are all Divine energy, made of the same stuff. When you remember, feel and integrate your Divine Presence into your physical body, it’s difficult to feel unworthy, which is a normal state for most people. It’s key to do some powerful self-growth work where you forgive and love yourself unconditionally. Allow this love of self and joy to radiate outward and attract the same. It’s much healthier and fulfilling when two souls come together in joy and bliss rather than in desperation and loneliness.
Getting out of your head, following your heart and trusting your inner guidance is the essence of staying in the flow. When you are connected to your Divinity, you know what to do, where to go, who to talk with, etc. There is no ‘thinking things through’ for hours, days or weeks, it just happens - it’s part of being present and open. Letting go of expectations and preconceived ideas about what something “should” look like, or how something or someone “should” be, and not screening everything you say helps you stay in the flow and be radically honest. Being willing, accepting and grateful (in advance) of whatever is in your best for each moment and trusting that you are perfectly guided by your higher self (Divine Presence), is amazingly helpful and shifts your life to a series of crazy-fun synchronicities.
Spiritually dating creates an exciting, enriching experience to be savored and thoroughly enjoyed. When these 7 keys are put into practice, results happen quickly, and it’s possible to be experiencing a blissful, devoted, loving relationship in no time, so enjoy the process!
Jill Crosby is the owner/founder of the Conscious Dating Network, the largest network of exclusively conscious/spiritual/green dating sites on the Internet, featuring her flagship site, www.SpiritualSingles.com launched in 2000 and www.GreenSingles.com inherited in 2014. There are several dating sites that all share the same, large database of members in the spiritual/green niche. All members automatically have access to all members from all sites, by joining one site.
During the first 9-years of growing her online dating site business, Jill worked a “day job” as Director and Sales Trainer for several Great Expectations Dating offices throughout the US. During that time she interviewed over 6000 singles in 7 different states.
Jill is an inspirational public speaker and is known for her candor, vulnerability, down to earth honesty and humor as she helps singles thrive in the world of online dating and ultimately meet their life partners. She is also a hypnotherapist, metaphysician and facilitator of Wild Dolphin and Whale Swim Retreats and SCUBA Trips for Singles. Her events site, www.SpiritualEvents.com promotes conscious/spiritual events worldwide.
© 2000-2016 Conscious Dating Network, LLC – All rights reserved. You may publish this article in its entirety and with the authors’ resource information intact.